moving on

So we have a date, on Saturday we will be moving into the new gaff, very excited! Howth has been fun but it made me/us miss having our own place. Ann in her desperate need for coffee, offered to do all the moving in exchange for a cup the other morning, so happy days!! The new place is 15 minuets cycle from work and 10 minute walk to the dart station - all good news! Also close to Wicklow. We will be joining the glitterati (except Dermo) on the south side so I'm gonna have to be much posher innit...

So as we are all acutely aware the chances of Tim being posher are slim, so to this end I think I need to bring every one down to my level. You can't polish a turd as they say but you can make something nice look like a piece of shit. To start with I'm going on a mission to get words considered 'bad' down graded. This requires the constant use of them until they catch on and everyone starts using them. A prime example of this is 'gay' or 'dick' or 'wank'. These words are now regularly used in conversations by normal folk and no one bats an eyelid. O.K maybe not wank, but that shall be my starting point. I will try and use the word wank 3 times a day in general conversation, this will then spread like nits in a playground until everyone does it (insert evil chuckle). Those who know me best will be able to guess the ultimate end word and if I only succeed in saying it around my peers I will still consider it a small victory (like sleeping with a drunk woman) but a victory nonetheless.

I was recently at my sister's wedding which I enjoyed immensely although I believe I'll have to come out of my shell a little and maybe join in the dancing! I would like to know exactly what it is that makes me believe after a modicum of beer not that I can break dance but that everyone would like to see me not break dancing. Just rolling around the dance floor in a suit. Then the next day there are the usual feelings, I'm sure you all get them... No not embarrassment I would do it all again in a heartbeat, it's the bad back, the unexplained bruising and the pulled muscles. I now treat weddings, discos (i think the kids call it nightclubs) and a pint out like a workout - I always take a rest day.

My other sister also pointed out to me that my cousin's children ( I can't even be bothered to work out what distant relation they are) and other yoof at the event start treating me with the same pity, disdain and contempt we used to treat our old drunk relatives with. Leaving they waved good bye to Mr madman. Fun times, I rocked the joint so much so that at one point I thought I might upstage the bride, I should never have worn that white dress!!!!

I have also lost the beard, albeit temporarily. I was in a hurry the night before we left to have a quick shave and neglected to put a guard on the razor creating what looked like designer stubble. Now I know the spastics are seemingly welcoming back that best left alone bygone era, but I for one think it's best left firmly in the past. So on the day of the wedding I had to borrow a razor and shave it all off. Now I have always had baby soft and young looking skin, the downside of this loveliness is it's as sensitive as a transvestite's emotions. So it hurt like hell and then to top it all off I had to buy a new razor etc when I got back as I can't grow a beard in a day and need to be clean shaven or have a beard in work. I think I might keep a journal and call it the Beard diary's!

In another post I will air my views on the fools that look like John Donson, the back combed hair, the unisex outfits and the little clones that suddenly think the 80's were cool and fashionable. Muppets! It was a joke and now your it. I got love for you if your born in the 80's, not dress like they did in the 80's! It Looks wank( that's 3)

southside aiyee